REPUBLICANS PASS PRISON REFORM BILL… FROM PRISON

Dateline; Leavenworth Ks. 8/28/18. Congressional Republicans today passed the most sweeping prison reform bill in the history of this country. Two hundred and seventy seven Republicans, (out of the two hundred eighty seven total Republicans in Congress) who are now incarcerated for anywhere from 30 years to life for treason, today voted unanimously for a prison reform bill that improves conditions for inmates — and provides automatic pardon and release — for all whites without a tattoo.

Of particular concern was the “inmate conditions” portion of the bill. As Cleavon “Big Rig” Washington, the first man on a long line outside the Congressman’s cell, stood by anxiously looking forward to their tri-weekly “date,” Ohio Cong. Bradford DuCormier III speaking from his cell said: “I am certain that I speak for all my fellow Republicans here when I say that while I will miss Big Rig, and all the other nice fellows on my cell block, and as much as I have enjoyed getting close to them all, I am certain that I am needed on the floor of Congress far more than I am needed on the floor of this cell. Or the shower. I relished my time here as the “pick up the soap” champion four months running. And here I promised him I’d give a shout out to “quick” Jerrel Johnson.”

He turned from our reporter to address the men on line; “and I want you all to know that I, and many of my Republican “bros” on this terrific cell block — who you’ve all gotten very close to — have grown very fond of you and will not abandon you. We will certainly come to visit. At least three time a week.”

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